How To Communicate With Your Spouse The Smart Way!

Have you ever blurted out something stupid and insensitive in an argument with your spouse and you instantly wish you could push the rewind button? 

How To Communicate With Your Spouse The Smart Way!

Well, here's a little tip that might give you a  "Get out of jail free" card. 

Ask your spouse for his or her opinion. Say something like, “How do you see it?” or “What’s your take?” This opens up the possibility of dialogue and it leaves room for an honest discussion instead of a fight. 

So the next time you find yourself backed into a corner by your own thoughtlessness try asking your spouse for their opinion on the subject.

It could mean the difference between a night at the fights…

And a night to remember!

For more ideas about communicating with style check out my free resource:

The Power of Facebook

I have a confession to make. I'm not a Facebook person. Wow, I feel un-American just saying that out loud.

I guess it's because I often hear how destructive it can be when it is misused. I have, however, come to realize that it can be a dynamic vehicle for positive change, providing inspiration, hope, and encouragement with exponential power.

So I decided to take the plunge and open a professional page.

My vision for this page has been to provide a space where people can glean creative and innovative ideas for their intimate relationships and also provide a forum to discuss what works in relationships. 

All too often we focus on what isn't working in our relationships and, unfortunately, we usually get more of the same coming into our lives. My philosophy is "what you focus on expands" - you need to focus on what you want, not on what you don't want. I also believe that the seed of the solution is within every one of us.

I invite you to visit my Facebook page - (www.facebook.com/ChristineWilke.Marriage) and share some of your own pearls of wisdom with others. You can share informative, relationship-based articles or quotes that you find especially inspiring, or even just ideas you've come up with in the shower. I'd like this to be a collaborative effort to make the world a more loving place to live.

Once a week, on Wisdom Wednesday, I post a though-provoking message or question for you to respond to. I'd love to hear any suggestions you may have to make this a fun experience for everyone. And get your friends and family on board - the more positive energy, the better.

Relationships can have their challenging moments. It can feel lonely at times when you feel like there's no hope for resolution. But there are also times when growth and healing happen...so jump right in and share your insights, triumphs and victories with others. Who knows, you could be sharing just what someone else needs to hear!

A special note about confidentiality: Please don't share anything that you feel is private or confidential. I honor and respect your privacy and do not want that compromised in any way. If you have a concern that you want to discuss with me privately, feel free to private message me or contact me via my website and I would be happy to speak with you about it.

So if you're up for the challenge, follow me on Facebook and, as they say in Imago, let's start "transforming the world one relationship at a time."

I contributed to an interesting article for the the Huffington Post regarding couples and Facebook. Check it out here


If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Can Your Marriage Help You Heal An Unhealthy Childhood?

I tend to prefer to guide my clients toward a more hopeful future with little patience for delving too deeply into the past. Why stay stuck in the past when we can make positive changes to create a better future right now? That being said, sometimes we need to examine where we’ve been in order to know where we’re going.

My training in Imago Relationship Therapy provides a paradigm that blends forward-leaning thinking with an examination of the past that doesn’t leave you stuck there – thus transforming past problems into future possibilities. Surprisingly, the key ingredient, or linchpin, to all this is your marriage. Imago therapy teaches that your marriage is the powerful catalyst that heals the wounds of childhood by transforming worn-out and oftenpainful relationship patterns into new and exciting ways of connecting.

Imago” is the Latin term for image. One of the core precepts of the Imago Process is that each of us carries, deep inside, an unconscious image of our ideal partner. This image develops in childhood and powerfully influences the type of partner we select as adults. It also impacts how we relate to that partner.

We constructed the blueprint of our “Imago” by combining all the positive and negative traits of our parents. It is this blueprint we use in our search for a mate, and it’s familiar and comfortable, but not always healthy. However, it compels us to choose the kind of partner we need in a committed, intimate relationship in order to heal and grow.

Wouldn’t it seem logical, though, that we would choose partners who don’t have the negative attributes of our parents? Why would we search for the very traits that wounded us and caused us so much pain? Because it is the pain from those old wounds that we now seek to heal. Our subconscious is trying to replicate the environment of our upbringing in order to correct it.

When we are physically wounded, our bodies instinctively go into healing mode. Our psyches respond in much the same way. When we look for a mate we are subliminally trying to recreate those same patterns from childhood in order to grow and heal. As these familiar patterns replay in our marriage and those old wounds are reopened, we can work with our partner to change the script of our story from a painful one to a healing one. We can do it differently now. As we grow in our marriage we can respond with the love, compassion and empathy that we so wanted and needed as a child. We can begin to leave those wounds behind by co-creating a healthier reality with our spouse.

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Simple Ways That You Can Be The Positive Change In Your Marriage!

Have you ever heard of the Butterfly Effect? The phrase refers to the idea that the flutter of a butterfly’s wings can create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may even alter the path of a tornado in another location. A very small adjustment in a physical system can make a significant difference at some later time and place. The idea is that small steps can eventually lead to big change. Sometimes our intimate relationships can feel like tornados and the obstacles can feel insurmountable. This can be frustrating and often we feel powerless to change. Maybe we can learn something from these tiny creatures.

It’s amazing that these delicate butterflies can make such a big impact on the world. Imagine what impact each of us can make if, instead of blaming our partner for causing the storm, we focus on making a small change in our own behavior that could prevent it.

Marriage is like a dance. It has a certain rhythm to it, and each of us contributes to that rhythm for good or for bad. It is so much more empowering to take responsibility for our steps in this dance. You’d be surprised to discover how much power you have when you own your own stuff. So, just for a week, I want you to take the focus off of what your partner is or isn’t doing, and be that loving presence you so desire. Make the tiny shift and see the positive impact you create.

Now – this is not about condoning bad behavior and allowing it to continue. It’s about examining the situation and asking, “What part of this do I have the power to change?” “What’s the loving response?”

So, in the spirit of taking small steps toward big change this week, I want you to do one thing each day that may bring some happiness into your partner’s life. It could be doing a chore you know they hate to do,or telling them how great they look today. It might be a little love note or even a loving glance – any gesture that may bring more loving energy into your relationship. And be creative!

You might even have some fun along the way…

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Making Marriage Work: The Power of Love

“I love you.” Simple, but oh so powerful. How often do you express your love and appreciation to your partner?

It doesn’t always have to be in words. It can be in the loving things you do - like putting on the coffee in the morning, calling during the day just to check in, or even a loving glance can make all the difference. 

John Gottman, the nation’s top marriage expert, found that happy, stable, long-term relationships had one thing in common: there was a constant ratio of five positive behaviors for every one negative. We need to flood each other with positive, caring behaviors for our relationships to thrive.

What we focus on expands. If you focus on what you love in the relationship, you will experience your partner more positively.

So take some time this week to focus on the things you love about your partner and what’s right about the relationship. Make sure you let them know (and not just in words). 

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.