Is your phone ruining your marriage?

Here's a helpful tip to help you create a healthier marriage: PUT DOWN THAT PHONE!

I know that sounds harsh, but a little tough love is in order here. lol 

The thought of parting with your phone, even for a brief time, may feel like a traumatic experience, but it’s essential to a healthy relationship.

So maybe you can start by shutting it off for dinner. Or you could carve out a little connection time at night with your spouse and make it an “electronic-free zone.”

 It doesn’t have to be a long time. Just long enough to reconnect with the love of your life. 

Here's a Huffington Post article where I contributed my 2 cents on the subject of phubbing.

Not sure what that is and how it relates to your relationship? Read on:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/phubbing-is-probably-ruining-your-relationship_us_59f9fc07e4b046017fb07e32

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage, just click here for more information about how to set up a Discovery Session with me.

How To Help Your Marriage Survive This Crazy- Busy Fall

Well, it's officially FALL. The hustle and bustle has begun. We're off and running. Summer is over. School is in full gear. Life is beginning to get crazy again.

Here it comes... the soccer practices, back to school night, PTA meetings - and on it goes...

It's a whirlwind of "to-dos."  But where does your marriage fit into all of that?

How much time do you make for your relationship? Is it even on the calendar? 

With all these other commitments competing for attention, your marriage can end up forgotten, like the summer vacation pictures at the back of the junk drawer - LOST.

It usually doesn't get much attention until the signs of neglect become too hard to ignore. You begin to feel like those "two ships," as if you're roommates instead of the loving partners you once were.  

You might even start to wonder if your marriage is going to work out at all.

It's no wonder. Neither of you is getting what you need and your marriage is certainly not getting what it needs to thrive.

Your marriage is the foundation of your family and it is too important to ignore. It's not meant to run on autopilot.

Let's make sure your marriage doesn't get lost in the shuffle. You can plan to do things differently this fall.

When you get those calendars out to schedule those basketball practices and business meetings, block some time in your schedule for your marriage. This could mean a Friday evening date night, a walk together around the neighborhood, or just some quiet time on the patio with no distractions.

Just like anything else that's important in your life, the effort you expend morphs into meaningful rewards.

Nothing beats that feeling of closeness and connection with your significant other. But this is built over time and nurtured with every loving encounter.

So get your marriage on the top of that list and start reaping the harvest of a healthy and vibrant relationship.

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage, just click here for more information about how to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Want a Happier Marriage? Ask yourself this Question Every day.

I love the month of May. The old saying, “All things seem possible in May,” really rings true for me.

Our perspective changes in the spring. Life seems full of possibilities. 

Perspective is everything in life.   

What’s the first thing that you think about when you greet your spouse in the morning?

Is it all the things he or she needs to do to make you happy?

Or...

Do you remember all the things he or she already does that brings a smile to your face?

Every single day you are faced with this all important question about your marriage:

“Am I choosing to see my marriage and my partner in a way that brings me happiness or pain?”

Asking yourself this question every day will remind you that you are in the driver’s seat.

You get to decide.

How you choose to see your relationship will be how you experience it.

What you focus on expands. 

Choosing to focus on all the good things about your spouse will make every month feel like May. How cool is that?

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage,

just click here for more information about how to set up a Discovery Session with me.

3 Secrets Successful Couples Use To Make Their Marriage Great. (Hint: It’s not about luck!)

Have you ever been just a little envious of those extraordinary couples who appear to have such a warm and loving connection? It seems so natural, so blissfully effortless. 

I guess they’re just the lucky ones, right? 

In this season of leprechauns, shamrocks, and the"Luck o The Irish” it might be tempting to believe that luck or wishful thinking has anything to do with creating a great marriage.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

A great marriage involves two people consciously and intentionally creating the kind of marriage they desire together.

Here are three key ingredients to help you build that coveted awesome relationship together.

• Take Responsibility For Your “Steps in the Dance.”

Marriage is like a dance. It has a certain rhythm to it, and each partner contributes to the delicate movements for good or for bad.

Successful couples know how empowering it can be when each spouse takes responsibility for their own steps rather than pointing the finger at each other. 

When you are each dedicated to taking personal responsibility for how you act and what you do to create the marriage you want, your relationship will thrive. 

Practical Daily Doable:

Do one thing each day that may bring some happiness into your partner’s life. 

 - Do a chore you know they hate to do.

 - Tell your spouse how great he/she looks today. 

 - Put a love note on the bathroom mirror.

• Make Time to Connect in a Healthy Way Each Day

Just as spring flowers need sunshine and water to blossom, your marriage needs your precious time and energy each day to helps it thrive.

Here are some suggestions to help you create a healthier connection: 

Practical Daily Doable:

- A simple kiss goodbye in the morning.

 - A quick text just to say, “I'm thinking of you."

 - A brief "How was your day?" huddle to catch up on the days events.

• Maintain An Attitude of Gratitude

Successful couples have mastered the art of gratitude. They know that when things get rough, a grateful heart is the glue that keeps them together.

Unresolved conflict in your relationship can be like a black cloud covering over all the good stuff. You don’t even notice all the wonderful things your spouse may be doing right under your nose.

Here’s the secret. What you focus on expands. When you make a conscious effort to notice the things you love and appreciate about your spouse, those things get bigger.

And don’t forget to share these delightful insights with your spouse.

Practical Daily Doable:

- "Thank you so much for taking the initiative to give the kids a bathtonight."

 -  "Wow, you look great in that shirt!"

 - "That was so generous of you to pick up the tab for dinner with my parents.”

New life can blossom in a marriage, sometimes when you least expect it. 

But don't count on luck or wishful thinking to make it happen.

It happens when you make a commitment to give your marriage the time and attention it needs to blossom into the amazing relationship you really want to have. 

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage, click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

How To Make a Difference in Your Marriage

Life these days can get crazy busy. I know how hard it is to put

1. Having a Great Marriage

... on your "to do" list. 

But, with a little imagination and some creativity, it's really not as hard as you may think. 

Often real change can happen with a few simple tweaks in your approach. 

For over 20 years I've been teaching busy professionals how simple it can be to build a supportive, passionate marriage, one loving step at a time. 

One of the ways I do this is to provide couples with some smart tools to help make this happen.

So I'd like to introduce you to my 3 Part Video Series -

"Making a Difference In Your Relationship"

Over the next few days, I will be revealing three videos- each focused on a particular challenge along with creative solutions to help you work through these challenges successfully.

In this series, you will learn simple steps to help you move closer to the relationship you really want to have. 

The first video is called - "Be The Change"

Personal responsibility can be so empowering. It puts you in the driver's seat as you begin making those positive changes in your relationship.

Click here to receive video #1 "Be The Change"

Making Time For Your Marriage

Are you ready for your second marriage enhancing tip? 

How much time do you put into making your marriage a priority - into making it what you want it to be?

With so many other commitments competing for attention, your marriage can end up forgotten, like those old vacation pictures at the back of the junk drawer - lost.

It usually doesn't get much attention until the signs of neglect become too hard to ignore. You begin to feel like those "two ships," as if you're roommates instead of the loving partners you once were.

You might even start to wonder if your marriage is going to work out at all.

Well, it's no wonder. Neither of you is getting what you need, and your marriage is certainly not getting what it needs to thrive.

Your marriage is the foundation of your family and it is too important to ignore. It's not meant to run on auto pilot.

Click Below to discover ways to give it the attention it needs to thrive!

 Video  #2 - "Make Time For Your Relationship"

Always remember - the seed of the solution is within you!

A Healthy Marriage Requires a Healthy You!

A successful marriage involves two healthy people creating habits of loving behavior each day. 

An important habit that sometimes gets forgotten is the habit of loving self-care. You can't give what you don't have. 

Click below to find the secret ingredients of healthy self- care.

You need to take good care of yourself so that you can take good care of your relationship!

Video  #3 - "Take Good Care of Yourself"

A Marriage Counselor's Personal Story

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to connect with you and share all that I've learned about having a great relationship.

I love helping couples create the marriage they really want to have.

I would imagine, though, that you would like to get to know more about who I am.

I promised you in my last video that I would share with you the secret that changed my marriage so dramatically.

That's why I've devoted this article to taking you behind the scenes and sharing a little bit about my own story, so you'll know why I'm so passionate about what I do.

Being a marriage counselor and being married can be tricky business.

Since I have access to really effective relationship tools, some people think I'm immune to marital conflict and should know better. 

But the stresses and strains of life affect all of us and can damage any relationship.

Many years ago my husband and I went through a pretty rough patch in our marriage. During this time our kids were younger, and we were each focusing on our careers while trying to raise a family.

There was so much going on - the kid's sports schedules, school projects, business meetings and on and on.

Like many couples we were in a whirlwind of "to-do's" and it began to overwhelm our relationship. We weren't making our marriage a priority and the signs of neglect became too hard to ignore.

We were beginning to feel more like roommates than the loving partners we once were.

Can you relate?

Then we discovered an Imago Relationship Workshop where we learned the skills we needed to completely transform our relationship. Our communication has improved because we learned how to listen to each other with so much more love and respect.After this amazing experience, I just had to learn all I could about Imago and I went on to become an Imago Relationship Therapist.

I can now share all those same wonderful skills with the couples I work with each day. 

My husband and I continue to have a solid and supportive connection, and I'm happy to say that we'll be celebrating our 30th anniversary very soon!

Sure we still disagree at times, but we spend less time arguing and more time really enjoying each other and having fun together.

I'm so grateful for what we created, and it's kind of scary to think how easily things could have gone the other way.

It's devastating to see a marriage crumble.

Like you, I have painfully watched close friends and family struggle in their marriages, and I've seen the devastation this has had on their children, their health, and their well-being.

Some have gone through very painful divorces because they didn't have the skills to communicate effectively with the love of their life.

And it's tragic because it doesn't have to be this way.

I've been teaching busy professionals how simple it can be to feel more passion in their marriage when they learn the skills they need to build a supportive relationship together.

In fact, I've dedicated my years of education, training, experience, and my entire heart and soul - to develop my own unique system that has helped couples improve their relationship in a powerful way.

Here's the best part...

Having a healthy, passionate marriage isn't as complicated as you think when you learn how to build a supportive relationship one loving step at a time.

I would love to help you too.

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage, click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Marriage Mistake: Don't Fix Your Spouse. Do This Instead!

Is this a familiar scenario? You come home from work and your spouse starts complaining about his or her day. You immediately go into “fix it” mode and say — “Well, what you need to do is…” 

This may seem like the logical thing to do, but don’t do it. Your spouse wants to be heard, not told what you think he or she should do. 

Try this the next time your spouse starts talking about problems- Just listen. 

Instead of jumping in with a solutions Try saying: “So what you’re saying is…”

Then mirror back what you heard. You can check in to see if you got it, to make sure you heard what was actually said. 

There’s a good chance your partner will begin to feel validated and understood and this feels so good and is so good for your marriage!

Wouldn’t it be great if there were a way to talk so your spouse would really listen?

I’m hearing you!

Here are 5 powerful tools to help you talk so your spouse will really listen!

How Being Selfish Can Actually Improve Your Marriage

Ahhhhh, the lazy days of summer - when life seems to slow down just a bit and we get that much-deserved R&R. But how many of us actually do slow down? How often do you take the time to recharge your batteries?

You might be wondering why a newsletter about relationships is focusing on self-care. Doesn't that sound a little selfish? 

Quite the contrary.  A great relationship starts with giving from an abundant heart and you can't give what you don't already have. The habit of good self-care is a key ingredient to a great relationship.

The first step is to tune in to yourself so that you can begin to recognize and know what you need.

I tend to take a holistic approach when it comes to working with clients. I view each person's situation from a mind-body-spirit perspective. It's important to focus on all three to create a habit of personal self-care.

Right now, give yourself a few moments to get comfortable and ponder these questions:

• What aspect of my life needs more attention?

• Does my mind need more quiet time or a new hobby?

• Is there a good book I've been meaning to read?

• Does my body need more exercise, more sleep, nutritious food?

• Is there an exercise class I've been meaning to sign up for?

• Does my spirit need time to meditate or pray?

• Is my pattern of self-talk positive or negative?

• Have I given myself permission and time to play?

Once you learn to honor these needs the next step is to express them to your partner in a clear and assertive way. The Imago Dialogue that I teach my clients helps to create the safe space necessary for sharing these delicate needs and to feel comfortable with this process. When you and your partner take the time to listen, mirror, validate, and empathize with each other, a beautiful (and safe) connection emerges. You are better able to support each other in getting each of your needs met in a healthy way.

Reflecting on your own needs takes time and practice. As you slow down and begin to listen deeply, they will begin to emerge and your practice of holistic self-care will become second nature.

As you and your spouse begin to fill your own buckets, you'll be able to selflessly share this wonderful abundance with each other.

Sign up to receive my Healthy Dialogue Guide:

"How To Talk So Your Spouse Will REALLY Listen"

A Great Marriage is More Than Dumb Luck!

Lucky four-leaf clovers are popping up a lot this month along with that elusive pot of gold.  St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner.

My husband and I met on this very special day many moons ago. Though I don’t have a speck of Irish in me, I’d like to think that some of the “Luck o The Irish” can come my way during this time of year.

If Im not careful, though, I can start to believe that luck or wishful thinking has anything to do with creating a great marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth. A great marriage involves two people consciously and intentionally creating the kind of marriage they desire together.

If each spouse is dedicated to taking personal responsibility for how they act and what they do to create the marriage they want, the relationship will continue to thrive. 

Does that mean perfection? No way! It may involve falling many times. But it also means having the courage to get back on track again and again. 

Eventually, you start to build a foundation for your relationship and discover that what you share is more solid than fleeting feelings.  You make a decision to see your relationship as a healing journey. The reward is an authentic relationship filled with excitement and passion.

So forget luck. Start reaping those sweet rewards as you forge ahead with determination toward your "pot of gold", the wonderful new relationship you are creating together.

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage:

 Click Here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

How To Communicate With Your Spouse The Smart Way!

Have you ever blurted out something stupid and insensitive in an argument with your spouse and you instantly wish you could push the rewind button? 

Well, here's a little tip that might give you a  "Get out of jail free" card. 

Ask your spouse for his or her opinion. Say something like, “How do you see it?” or “What’s your take?” This opens up the possibility of dialogue and it leaves room for an honest discussion instead of a fight. 

So the next time you find yourself backed into a corner by your own thoughtlessness try asking your spouse for their opinion on the subject.

It could mean the difference between a night at the fights…

And a night to remember!

For more ideas about communicating with style check out my free resource:

5 Powerful Tools to Help You Talk... So Your Spouse Will LIsten!

How Married Couples Can Make The Most Out Of Valentine's Day!

The romance of February is here with Valentine’s Day smack-dab in the middle of the month.

So, here is my rock solid marriage advice in honor of this very sexy month. 

Throw caution to the wind and date someone even though you’re married.

Yes, you heard right! I’m breaking out of my conventional comfort zone and suggesting something very radical here.

I suggest surprising this special someone at work with flowers or fresh baked cookies, or sending those seductive texts they love so much. How about sneaking out together for that romantic rendezvous at your favorite restaurant.

So bold, so reckless, so wonderful for your marriage - Huh?

Well, only if that special someone happens to be your spouse. Who says dating has to stop even though you’re married?

If you want an incredible marriage (and who doesn’t) you need to make it incredible. When you are conscious and intentional about your marriage you do what you need to do to make that happen. That includes carving out special time on a regularly basis to actually have fun with each other and connect in a meaningful way.

All work and no play is no way to have a healthy and vibrant marriage. So bring the magic back and start dating that love of your life again. Happy Valentine’s Day!!

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage:

Click Here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

How To Have A Better Marriage For The New Year.

What happened to those New Years Resolutions? All too often they seem to fade away like the morning mist at sunrise. In years past I have resolved to start a new work out routine, drink more water, eat healthier snacks, yada, yada, yada. But by February this resolve is severely waning and by March it’s completely off the radar. I’ve decided to change it up this New Year.

This year I decided to ditch those same old same olds. Those old resolutions that I probably won’t keep for too long.  I have decided to replace them with a focus on living a more balanced life. 

For many of us, trying to maintain balance in life feels a little like walking a tightrope. Most of us have so many demands on our time and energy. Life often feels like a three-ring circus, leaving little time to invest in a healthy marriage. 

Take this quiz to see how well you are meeting responsibilities, while also recognizing and fulfilling your needs and the needs of your relationship.

True or False

____   1. The only way I can successfully manage my life is to take care of myself physically and emotionally.

____2. Nurturing myself enlarges my capacity to have a healthier marriage.

____ 3. I set aside personal, quiet time for myself, whether I’m meditating, journalling, or simply allowing myself time to daydream.

____4. Creativity is nurturing. I take time to do what I love, whether that’s cooking, drawing, fishing, photography or anything that brings magic to my soul.

If you answered false to any of these questions see if you can incorporate something of its message into your life in the New Year.  

Remember, you can’t give what you don’t have. A healthy marriage starts with a healthy you!

So this year let’s resolve to stress less, accomplish more, and take exciting new steps toward healthier relationships!

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage:

 Click Here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Married Couples: Are you oversharing on Facebook?

It goes without saying that Facebook has become a social phenomenon. In the click of a button we can let everyone know what, when, and how we are doing. This can be a nice way to touch base and connect to those we don’t see everyday. But all too often people, and particularly couples, tends to indulge in a bit of overshare.

Here are 2 examples for couples of what not to say on Facebook.

1) Strife and squabbles happen in the best of relationships, but do you need to use your status updates to let the world know that your spouse kept you up all night with his incessant snoring? Or, that you're sick of her constantly flirting with the guy next door? Keep it close to the vest people. Some things really need to be kept behind those closed doors. When you come around to making up there is no putting that cat back in the bag. Think before you post.

2) Love, love, love; it makes the world go round. But not everyone wants to hear you proclaim your devotion to your sweetheart with sappy little love songs and poetic romance quotes. Save those precious moments for the Hallmark cards. It’s so much more intimate and real.

(I’m not even going to talk about those gushy hashtags - #loveydovey, really?)

When you’re using Facebook to ask your spouse to pick up a quart of milk on the way home from work or wondering who’s picking the kids up tonight it may be time to slow down and start thinking about how you can reengage in a more meaningful way. Facebook can be a fun and helpful tool to catch up with friends, but don’t let it be a substitute for genuine connection with your partner.

Check out this Huff Post article for more opinions on this subject

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage:

 click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Protect Your Marriage By Avoiding These 4 Harmful Behaviors

When most people are asked to describe what "cheating would look like in their relationship the first thing that comes to mind is an extramarital affair. But there are a number of ways you can cheat your partner out of genuine intimacy without ever having an affair.

As a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist I am all too familiar with the importance of "closing the exits" in your marriage. Affairs, addictions and even mental illness can all be forms of hard-core exits. But exits can also be those subtle little diversions couples engage in that enable them to avoid true intimacy with each other.

Her are four examples of seemingly innocent behavior that can erode your relationship in powerful ways.

1) Over Focusing on Your Children

This one is so easy to rationalize, after all, who doesn't want to be considered a great parent? Of course quality time with your children is important, but not when it's a substitute for quality time with your spouse.

Red flag - Are you spending most evenings reading for long hours with your kids, while your spouse watches television alone? Do your little ones often end up sleeping between the two of you, making sexual intimacy virtually impossible?

2) Working Long Hours

This could mean spending many hours at the office, but it may also mean, for example, being home with your spouse while glued to your laptop.

Red flag - Is your spouse often commenting that you're just not focused enough? Are you missing important family events because of work?

3) Excessive Time Watching TV or Surfing the Net

Everyone needs downtime and these activities help us to decompress after a hard day, but they become troublesome when they are substitutes for meaningful interaction with your spouse. 

Red flag - Are you spending many hours engrossed in the television, computer, or cell phone while your spouse is feeling neglected? Are you spending more time talking on social media than talking to your spouse?

4) Cybersex and Porn

This can sometimes feel like a betrayal every bit as painful as an affair.

Red flag - Has engaging in porn become a substitute for physical intimacy with your spouse? Is your spouse feeling rejected and threatened by this behavior?

An exit drains energy from the relationship and will slowly erode the warm connection you once had. Examining these exits with openness and sincerity is the first step toward recreating that passionate relationship again.

Click here for commentary on this article on the Huffington Post.

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage:

 click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Infidelity: Should you share all the details of an affair?

I had the opportunity to participate in an Experts Panel in Manhattan with several therapist including the founders of Imago Relationship Therapy.

Check us out below discussing the pros and cons of sharing the details of an affair. Hope you enjoy it!

2 Reasons Why You DON"T Need The Dirty Details Of Their Affair.

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.

Marriage Roadmap: How To Avoid The Predictible Speed Bumps

A great relationship takes dedication and that scary word – WORK. This is the good kind of work though, the kind that brings life-long rewards. Don’t you find that anything worthwhile takes work?  Those washboard abs don’t just magically appear and a successful business doesn’t grow by itself. Many hours of blood, sweat, and tears go into these endeavors. Sounds a little like marriage doesn’t it?

Marriages progress through several predictable stages. I’ll cover the three most important ones today:
• Romantic Stage
• Power Struggle Stage
• Conscious Love Stage

The first is the Romantic Stage – when everything feels right and it’s so easy to be together. You want to be with each other all the time because you feel like you’re home at last. In this stage you minimize things you dislike about your partner. This is where that initial bonding occurs, the bonding that helps to sustain the relationship through difficult times.

There is a normal and natural progression to the next stage, which is
the Power Struggle Stage. I emphasize normal and natural because most couples are stunned as they watch their magical union morph into a “night at the fights.” This is when the initial euphoria of finding each other gives way to anger and disillusionment as you start to notice all the little things that annoy you about your partner – his snoring, her messiness. Sadly, many marriages either end at this stage or “white knuckle it”, figuring this is “as good as it gets.”

The good news – there’s another option. It’s the third stage called the Conscious Love Stage. This is the stage when you decide to consciously and intentionally create the kind of relationship you both desire. I call it the “Make-it-Happen” Stage – where you become proactive rather than reactive to each other.

You start to build a foundation for your relationship and discover that what you share is more solid than fleeting feelings. In this stage you make a decision to see your relationship as a healing journey.

The reward is an authentic relationship filled with excitement and passion. Creating this masterpiece takes skill, but how do you hone this fine craft? You practice, practice, practice – until it becomes second nature. You develop and practice new habits of loving connection until they become your new “normal.”

You wouldn’t practice playing the piano when you want to get great at golf. So why would you practice fighting, bickering, and arguing when you want a great relationship? You need to practice what you want, not what you don’t want. Until what you want becomes the new normal. If you want a loving relationship, you have to practice being loving – then let the fun begin!  Start reaping those sweet rewards as you forge ahead with determination toward your “pot of gold”, the wonderful new relationship you are creating together. 

If you would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage click here to set up a Discovery Session with me.